Stronger Than Words

When My Thoughts Found a Voice 

Dear Diary,

Saturday, March 29th

Robert picked us up early again for morning Mass. He’s always cheerful, even when the world is still waking up. The weather was mild, with a little breeze that made it feel like spring was trying to peek around the corner. Mini rode along quietly on my lap, but once we arrived at the church, she was alert as ever, ready to greet anyone with her waggy little bottom.

We got there early enough to read the meditation. It was the one about the choice between Jesus and Barabbas—the moment the crowd had to decide. Father LeRoy, who uses the same meditation book we do, gave a quiet, thoughtful homily. He said how strange it is that the people would choose someone like Barabbas over Jesus—someone who had stirred up trouble and done real harm, when Jesus had done nothing but love. Father didn’t scold, he just made us think. He said we all have moments when we choose something less than good, even when Jesus is right there, ready to be chosen. That part made my chest feel heavy.

On the way home, the talk about Barabbas continued. I told them I didn’t really understand it—why anyone would choose the wrong thing when the right one was standing right in front of them. Sister Mary Claire and Robert tried to explain that sometimes people are afraid, or angry, or confused, and that the crowd that day probably didn’t even really know what they were doing. But it still made me feel sad.

So, in the afternoon, I needed some quiet. I took my scrapbook and Mini and went down to the cave. Mini always leads the way like she knows the path better than I do, and maybe she does. Shaggy Coat was there, waiting! He gave the biggest splash when he saw us, and I was glad I had tucked a carrot into my pocket, just in case. I tossed it to him and he caught it with his little paws, then disappeared under the water with it.

I lit a candle and sat for a long while looking at my happy pictures. Some of them made me smile, even though I still had that ache in my heart from this morning. It helped to be there, surrounded by quiet and memories and soft candlelight.

Soon it started getting dark. I blew out the candle, and Mini, without being told, trotted ahead like she always does. I followed her back up the hill, feeling better, but still thinking about choices, and how I want to be the kind of person who chooses Jesus every single time.

Dear Jesus, 

help me to know You when I see You, and to always choose You, even when it’s hard or confusing. Help me to not be like the crowd, swept along, but to be steady and brave. Thank You for the cave, and the candle, and the happy pictures that helped today. And thank You for Robert, Sister, Mini, and even Shaggy Coat too. Amen.

Love, Kathy