August 17, 1955
Dear Diary,
This morning, Sister Mary Claire and I settled into the prayer wagon with Mini, and she read "Charlie Maloney" by Father Leonard Feeney to me. The story of the charming salesman, Charlie, who chats with a priest on a train, was filled with humor and heartfelt reflections on life and faith. It made me think about the joy that comes from cherishing family and the simple moments in life. I am sharing the story with you dear Diary so as always to remember it.
It was in the smoking car of a fast express going from Boston to New York. The first thing I do when I get on a train is to recite my Breviary. Then I go at once to the smoking car. And there always seems to be somebody there who has been waiting for me to come.
"How d'ye do, Father? You're a Catholic priest, aren't you? ... I thought so. ... Oh, I dunno. ... I can tell you priests by just lookin' at you. ... Oh, I dunno. ... I just size you up for a minute or two and then I say, 'There's a priest!' or else, 'There ain't one!' ... Oh, I dunno. ... It's like lookin' at an automobile. I say, 'There's a Packard, or a Buick, or a Rolls-Royce!' It's the same way when I see a priest. ... These Episcopalian ministers with their Roman collars don't fool me. ...
"My name is Charlie Maloney, Father. I come from Schenectady, New York. I'm a traveling salesman. I'm on the road selling gelatine. I work for the Cosmopolitan Gelatine Company. ... There's one of my cards, see? 'Cosmopolitan Gelatine Company; Representative: Charles J. Maloney!' ... That's yours truly. ...
"Of course, we're not exactly cosmopolitan. ... As a matter of fact, we're only in two states, New York and Massachusetts. But Cosmopolitan sounds big. Makes it sound like a big league company, see? ... And that goes big with the customers. Sounds like International Harvester, or Standard Oil, or League of Nations; see what I mean? ... Big stuff! See what I mean? ...
'What do they use gelatine for? ... Who? ... You mean the public? ... What do they use gelatine for? ... Say, what are you tryin' to do, Father—kid me? ... What do they use gelatine for? ... Wow! That's a good one. Why, did you know one eighteenth of the food you eat is made of gelatine? ... You didn't know that? Of course it is! Certainly! Pies, cakes, jellies, soups, desserts, ice cream. Didn't you know there was any gelatine in ice cream? ... Why of course! Didn't you know that the gelatine industry is the ninety-seventh largest industry in the United States? ... Why certainly! Gelatine is a basic product like wheat and corn and sugar. ... You didn't know, did you, that if the country stopped producin' gelatine New York'd go bankrupt tomorrow? ... Well, it would! Why, just think of all the bakeries closin' and all the ice cream parlors! Why, there'd be a famine! ... What do they use gelatine for? Gee, that's a good one! ... Of course, I'm not blamin' you, Father. That's not your business. Gelatine after all isn’t your business. Your business is 'Dominus Vobiscum, et cetera,' isn’t it? ... But naturally it sounds kinds of funny to me bein’ in the business myself to hear anybody ask me, ‘What do they use gelatine for?’
"Sure I’m married. I got four kids. ... Just a minute and I’ll show you a picture of my family! ... There you are! There’s the whole gang! ... That’s my wife, Ella! ... That’s my oldest daughter, Eleanor! ... Then there’s Margaret and Alice! ... And finally the baby, Charles, Jr., named after his old man!
"My wife’s a wonderful woman! ... A wonderful woman and a wonderful Catholic! ... Yes sir, she’s right there with the goods when it comes to religion! She belongs to the Married Ladies’ Sodality and the League of the Sacred Heart and about everything else that we have at the church up home. ... And talk about prayers! I never saw anybody say so many prayers as she does. She keeps prayin’ all the time. And of course she keeps prayin’ like the deuce for me so that I won’t go off the handle when I’m on the road. ... A couple of weeks ago we had a Mission in our parish and one night the priest gave a sermon on the General Judgment an’ my wife comes home after the sermon and she says to me: ‘Charlie, on the Last Day which are you goin’ to be, one of the sheep or one of the goats? ... An’ I said: ‘Well, which one am I supposed to be? Which one gets saved?’ ... She couldn’t remember which one gets saved, only she thought it wasn’t the goats. ... Which one does get saved, Father? ... The sheep? ... Oh, I see! The sheep go up and the goats down, is that right? ... I must remember that!
"My wife worries about the funniest things. One of the things she’s worryin’ about now is because her name Ella ain’t a saint’s name. ... She said the priest who gave the Mission at our church said that all the Catholic girls ought to have saints’ names. And she can’t find no Saint Ella anywhere in her prayer-book. ... And I said, ‘Well, what’s the use of worryin’ now? I can’t take you down and get you baptized all over again, can I?’ And she says ‘No. But I wish I had a saint’s name just the same...’ And I says, ‘Well, what do you want me to do, start callin’ you Mary Magdalene?’ ... An’ she says, ‘No, I don’t want you to do that.’ ... ‘And besides,’ I says, ‘you got other names besides Ella. Look at all the other names you got: Ella, Margaret, Mary, Veronica Maloney! Every one of them’s a saint’s name except Ella!’ ... And she says, ‘Well, anyhow, I’m glad we named our little girl Eleanor instead of Ella. Because Eleanor is a real saint’s name...’
"And by the way, Father, I don’t like to talk about my daughter Eleanor, but between you and me she’s a wonder. She’s really a wonder. ... She’s nine years old and the Sister down at her school told me she’s the very brightest girl in her class, especially in Geography and Catechism. ... ‘Mr. Maloney,’ the Sister Superior said to me, ‘Mr. Maloney! Your daughter is the very brightest girl in her class, especially in two things, Geography and Catechism! ... Father, you ought to hear that kid recite her Geography! ... It’s simply uncanny! ... You can ask her where any place on the map is and she’ll tell you. North Dakota, South Dakota! Any place! ... Bays, rivers, mountains, capes, she’s got them all right on the tips of her fingers! ... Just imagine that an’ only nine years old, eh? And Catechism! Boy! ... You ought to hear her recite her Catechism! It’s simply uncanny! It’s marvelous! The answers she knows in her Catechism, it’s simply marvelous! ... When I come home at night she says to me, ‘Daddy, would you like to hear my Catechism lesson?’ And I say, ‘Why certainly! Give me the book!’ ... So I open the book and ask her the questions. ... Of course, I put up a bluff that I know some of the answers without the book, but between you an’ me, Father, I don’t think I’d be so very hot without the book in my hand. ... The other night I was askin’ her questions in Catechism an’ I says, ‘Of which should we take more care, our soul or our body?’ ‘Our soul,’ she says. Right off! Just like that! Not a moment’s hesitation! ... Why did you know, Father, she actually knows the names of all the Apostles? ... Think of that at nine years of age! ... Yes, sir! I said to her the other night, I says, ‘Eleanor, name the Apostles! Name the Apostles,’ I says. And right off she starts namin’ them. ... ‘Peter, Andrew, and so forth and so forth! ... ‘James, Joseph, and so forth, and so forth! ...’ She didn’t miss one Apostle out of the whole darn bunch, true as I’m tellin’ you!
"Wait a minute! I want you to look at the pictures of my other three kids. ... There’s Margaret! She’s seven. She’s next to Eleanor. Margaret’s a little bit delicate, I’m sorry to say. She’s got weak eyes, for one thing, and she has to wear glasses. But, boy! I’m the greatest thing that ever lived. She thinks I’m a big shot in every way; you know what I mean? ... My wife was very sick when Margaret was born and the doctor told her she had better not have any more babies because it wouldn’t be good for her health. ... So we just let that go right in one ear and out the other. ... And there’s the two other children we’ve had since the doctor told Ella to stop bein’ a mother! ... Nothin’ the matter with them, is there? ... That’s Alice sittin’ in my lap! She’s four. I call her ‘Sweetheart,’ because she’s a bit of a vamp. ... You know? Makin’ eyes at everybody?
"... And then there’s Charles Junior in his high-chair at the age of one and a half. ...
'My name is Charles Joseph but we called the baby Charles Bernard because my wife has a fourth cousin named Bernard that's a priest in Foreign Missions. He's in China tryin' to tell the natives about the Catholic Church. My wife thinks that's great, so she insisted on calling the baby Bernard for his middle name after her fourth cousin, the priest. ... As a matter of fact I don't believe this priest is a real relative of hers at all except distantly, but you know the way Catholics start in claimin' relationship with a fellow as soon as he becomes a priest. ... Of course Ella hopes Charles Bernard will be a priest too, I don't need to tell you that. ... Only I say to her, "Now listen! I don't want any undue influence brought to bear on him! There'll be nobody in the world prouder than me to have that kid a priest, but I want you to let him make up his own mind about it. If he wants to become a priest himself, all right. But let him choose for himself. The worst kind of a priest in the world is one whose mother got the vocation. ...' So of course I never say anything to the youngster about bein' a priest or anything like that. And I told Ella I wouldn't stand for any of this showing him holy pictures and sayin', 'And when little Charles gets to be a big man what's little Charles going to be?' I don't want any of that stuff! ... I..." "... want the kid to stand on his own feet. ... He'll be a year and a half old next Tuesday and I haven't mentioned the word priest to him once yet. ... And Ella wants to buy him a little altar to play with. And I says, 'You mean as a toy?' And she says, 'Yes, as a toy.' ... So I said, 'All right. You can get him a little altar to play with as a toy but don't start lightin' any candles on it or the kid'll get burned to death. ...'
"It'd be kind of funny, wouldn't it, Father, if he did grow up and become a priest? It'd be kind of funny, wouldn't it? ... I met a Bishop once! I shook hands with him, that is to say, I kissed his ring! ... Wouldn't it be funny if my kid grew up an' became a Bishop with a ring? ... It's possible, ain't it? ... 'The Right Reverend Charles Bernard Maloney, D.D.,' that's right, ain't it? ... Gee, wouldn't that be funny? ... Imagine that! ... And then all the folks in our town'd be sayin', 'Gosh, and his old man used to go around the country sellin' gelatine to Jew bakers!' ...
"By the way, do you see that fellow sittin' down at the end of the car ... smokin' a cigarette? ... Well, he's a great friend of mine. ... He's one of my pals. ... He's a hardware salesman. His name is Shmitty. His right name is Smith, but I call him Shmitty. ... He's one of my pals and a darn nice fellow. ... But he don't know beans about religion..." He ain't got no religion. ... If you ask him, 'Who made the world?', he don't know; see what I mean? ... He don't know! ... 'Search me!' says Shmitty if you ask him who made the world. ... He don't believe in anything. ... If you ask him, 'How many persons in God?' he's just as liable to say, 'Two'; see what I mean? ... He don't know what it's all about! ... I'd like to call him up here and have you give him a little talk on religion. Would you mind? ... I wish you would. It'll do him a lot of good. ... I'll just call him up here and introduce him and then you can give him the works. It'll do him a lot of good. ... Oh, no, he won't mind! ...
"Hey, Shmitty! ... Shmitty! ... Come up here. ... Come up here. I want to talk to you! ...
"Sit down, Shmitty! ... Father, this is my friend Shmitty! ... This is one of my pals. We travel around the country together. ... He sells hardware and I sell gelatine, but we're good friends just the same. ... Shmitty, this is a Catholic priest. You know, Catholic, just the same as me! ... And I want him to give you a little talk on religion. Because I think you need it. ... Now wait a minute, Shmitty! ... Listen, Shmitty! Wait a minute! ... Just a minute, please! ... Don't start talkin' that way! ... Give Father a chance to talk! ... Bible? ... Bible? ... What do you know about the Bible? ..."
"You don't know beans about the Bible; what are you tryin' to talk about the Bible for? ... Listen, Shmitty! ... Listen! ... Don't be talking to Father about the Bible! Why, Father knows the Bible upside down, inside out, don't you, Father? ... Why, Father knows the Bible in Latin, don't you, Father? ... He can read it in Latin, the language Our Lord wrote it in, can't you, Father? ... Listen, Shmitty, don't be talkin' about Our Lord that way! Don't call Him Christ, call Him Our Lord! ... What do you know about Our Lord? ... Well, who was He? ... Yes, who was Our Lord? ... The King of the Jews? ... The King of the Jews? ... He was not the King of the Jews! ... No, He wasn't! ... "He was the King of the whole world, wasn't He, Father? ... Certainly! He was the King of the Irish and the Germans and the French and everybody! ... He was the King of the whole world! ... He was not the King of the Jews! ... No, sir! ... Listen, Shmitty! ... Listen, please! ... Listen! That's what they said to Him when they put Him to death, when they wanted to insult Him. They said, 'You are,—Thou art the King of the Jews!' And Our Lord said, 'I am not. I am the King of Everybody! ...' No! ... Listen, Shmitty! ... That's what the fellow said who condemned Him to..."You said: "... death. He was the one who said, 'You are the King of the Jews!' ... The fellow who put Him to death! ... Was it Herod, Father? ... Oh, yes, Punches Pilate! ... Punches Pilate, the fellow who put Our Lord to death, he was the one who said 'Write on His cross: The King of the Jews.' ... Punches Pilate! ... Do you know what a punch is? ... Well, a lot of them! Bing! Bing! Punches! ... That's right, punches! ... Well, he was the one who said, 'Call Him the King of the Jews!' ... Listen, Shmitty! Who wants to be King of the Jews? ... Nobody wants to be King of them? ... No, Our Lord is King of the whole world! ... He's the King of Kings! ... Certainly! He's the Good Shepherd! And all the world is His sheep! ... And furthermore on the Last Day the sheep get saved and the goats lost! I'll bet you didn't even know that, did you, Shmitty? ... Well, Our Lord is the Good Shepherd, because He said He was, didn't he, Father? ... And He said, 'I am the Good Shepherd and I lay down my life for my sheep!' didn't He, Father? ..."
"Yes, Charlie, He did!"
Charlie Maloney
Fish on Friday
Father Leonard Feeney
1934
"How d'ye do, Father? You're a Catholic priest, aren't you? ... I thought so. ... Oh, I dunno. ... I can tell you priests by just lookin' at you. ... Oh, I dunno. ... I just size you up for a minute or two and then I say, 'There's a priest!' or else, 'There ain't one!' ... Oh, I dunno. ... It's like lookin' at an automobile. I say, 'There's a Packard, or a Buick, or a Rolls-Royce!' It's the same way when I see a priest. ... These Episcopalian ministers with their Roman collars don't fool me. ...
"My name is Charlie Maloney, Father. I come from Schenectady, New York. I'm a traveling salesman. I'm on the road selling gelatine. I work for the Cosmopolitan Gelatine Company. ... There's one of my cards, see? 'Cosmopolitan Gelatine Company; Representative: Charles J. Maloney!' ... That's yours truly. ...
"Of course, we're not exactly cosmopolitan. ... As a matter of fact, we're only in two states, New York and Massachusetts. But Cosmopolitan sounds big. Makes it sound like a big league company, see? ... And that goes big with the customers. Sounds like International Harvester, or Standard Oil, or League of Nations; see what I mean? ... Big stuff! See what I mean? ...
'What do they use gelatine for? ... Who? ... You mean the public? ... What do they use gelatine for? ... Say, what are you tryin' to do, Father—kid me? ... What do they use gelatine for? ... Wow! That's a good one. Why, did you know one eighteenth of the food you eat is made of gelatine? ... You didn't know that? Of course it is! Certainly! Pies, cakes, jellies, soups, desserts, ice cream. Didn't you know there was any gelatine in ice cream? ... Why of course! Didn't you know that the gelatine industry is the ninety-seventh largest industry in the United States? ... Why certainly! Gelatine is a basic product like wheat and corn and sugar. ... You didn't know, did you, that if the country stopped producin' gelatine New York'd go bankrupt tomorrow? ... Well, it would! Why, just think of all the bakeries closin' and all the ice cream parlors! Why, there'd be a famine! ... What do they use gelatine for? Gee, that's a good one! ... Of course, I'm not blamin' you, Father. That's not your business. Gelatine after all isn’t your business. Your business is 'Dominus Vobiscum, et cetera,' isn’t it? ... But naturally it sounds kinds of funny to me bein’ in the business myself to hear anybody ask me, ‘What do they use gelatine for?’
"Sure I’m married. I got four kids. ... Just a minute and I’ll show you a picture of my family! ... There you are! There’s the whole gang! ... That’s my wife, Ella! ... That’s my oldest daughter, Eleanor! ... Then there’s Margaret and Alice! ... And finally the baby, Charles, Jr., named after his old man!
"My wife’s a wonderful woman! ... A wonderful woman and a wonderful Catholic! ... Yes sir, she’s right there with the goods when it comes to religion! She belongs to the Married Ladies’ Sodality and the League of the Sacred Heart and about everything else that we have at the church up home. ... And talk about prayers! I never saw anybody say so many prayers as she does. She keeps prayin’ all the time. And of course she keeps prayin’ like the deuce for me so that I won’t go off the handle when I’m on the road. ... A couple of weeks ago we had a Mission in our parish and one night the priest gave a sermon on the General Judgment an’ my wife comes home after the sermon and she says to me: ‘Charlie, on the Last Day which are you goin’ to be, one of the sheep or one of the goats? ... An’ I said: ‘Well, which one am I supposed to be? Which one gets saved?’ ... She couldn’t remember which one gets saved, only she thought it wasn’t the goats. ... Which one does get saved, Father? ... The sheep? ... Oh, I see! The sheep go up and the goats down, is that right? ... I must remember that!
"My wife worries about the funniest things. One of the things she’s worryin’ about now is because her name Ella ain’t a saint’s name. ... She said the priest who gave the Mission at our church said that all the Catholic girls ought to have saints’ names. And she can’t find no Saint Ella anywhere in her prayer-book. ... And I said, ‘Well, what’s the use of worryin’ now? I can’t take you down and get you baptized all over again, can I?’ And she says ‘No. But I wish I had a saint’s name just the same...’ And I says, ‘Well, what do you want me to do, start callin’ you Mary Magdalene?’ ... An’ she says, ‘No, I don’t want you to do that.’ ... ‘And besides,’ I says, ‘you got other names besides Ella. Look at all the other names you got: Ella, Margaret, Mary, Veronica Maloney! Every one of them’s a saint’s name except Ella!’ ... And she says, ‘Well, anyhow, I’m glad we named our little girl Eleanor instead of Ella. Because Eleanor is a real saint’s name...’
"And by the way, Father, I don’t like to talk about my daughter Eleanor, but between you and me she’s a wonder. She’s really a wonder. ... She’s nine years old and the Sister down at her school told me she’s the very brightest girl in her class, especially in Geography and Catechism. ... ‘Mr. Maloney,’ the Sister Superior said to me, ‘Mr. Maloney! Your daughter is the very brightest girl in her class, especially in two things, Geography and Catechism! ... Father, you ought to hear that kid recite her Geography! ... It’s simply uncanny! ... You can ask her where any place on the map is and she’ll tell you. North Dakota, South Dakota! Any place! ... Bays, rivers, mountains, capes, she’s got them all right on the tips of her fingers! ... Just imagine that an’ only nine years old, eh? And Catechism! Boy! ... You ought to hear her recite her Catechism! It’s simply uncanny! It’s marvelous! The answers she knows in her Catechism, it’s simply marvelous! ... When I come home at night she says to me, ‘Daddy, would you like to hear my Catechism lesson?’ And I say, ‘Why certainly! Give me the book!’ ... So I open the book and ask her the questions. ... Of course, I put up a bluff that I know some of the answers without the book, but between you an’ me, Father, I don’t think I’d be so very hot without the book in my hand. ... The other night I was askin’ her questions in Catechism an’ I says, ‘Of which should we take more care, our soul or our body?’ ‘Our soul,’ she says. Right off! Just like that! Not a moment’s hesitation! ... Why did you know, Father, she actually knows the names of all the Apostles? ... Think of that at nine years of age! ... Yes, sir! I said to her the other night, I says, ‘Eleanor, name the Apostles! Name the Apostles,’ I says. And right off she starts namin’ them. ... ‘Peter, Andrew, and so forth and so forth! ... ‘James, Joseph, and so forth, and so forth! ...’ She didn’t miss one Apostle out of the whole darn bunch, true as I’m tellin’ you!
"Wait a minute! I want you to look at the pictures of my other three kids. ... There’s Margaret! She’s seven. She’s next to Eleanor. Margaret’s a little bit delicate, I’m sorry to say. She’s got weak eyes, for one thing, and she has to wear glasses. But, boy! I’m the greatest thing that ever lived. She thinks I’m a big shot in every way; you know what I mean? ... My wife was very sick when Margaret was born and the doctor told her she had better not have any more babies because it wouldn’t be good for her health. ... So we just let that go right in one ear and out the other. ... And there’s the two other children we’ve had since the doctor told Ella to stop bein’ a mother! ... Nothin’ the matter with them, is there? ... That’s Alice sittin’ in my lap! She’s four. I call her ‘Sweetheart,’ because she’s a bit of a vamp. ... You know? Makin’ eyes at everybody?
"... And then there’s Charles Junior in his high-chair at the age of one and a half. ...
'My name is Charles Joseph but we called the baby Charles Bernard because my wife has a fourth cousin named Bernard that's a priest in Foreign Missions. He's in China tryin' to tell the natives about the Catholic Church. My wife thinks that's great, so she insisted on calling the baby Bernard for his middle name after her fourth cousin, the priest. ... As a matter of fact I don't believe this priest is a real relative of hers at all except distantly, but you know the way Catholics start in claimin' relationship with a fellow as soon as he becomes a priest. ... Of course Ella hopes Charles Bernard will be a priest too, I don't need to tell you that. ... Only I say to her, "Now listen! I don't want any undue influence brought to bear on him! There'll be nobody in the world prouder than me to have that kid a priest, but I want you to let him make up his own mind about it. If he wants to become a priest himself, all right. But let him choose for himself. The worst kind of a priest in the world is one whose mother got the vocation. ...' So of course I never say anything to the youngster about bein' a priest or anything like that. And I told Ella I wouldn't stand for any of this showing him holy pictures and sayin', 'And when little Charles gets to be a big man what's little Charles going to be?' I don't want any of that stuff! ... I..." "... want the kid to stand on his own feet. ... He'll be a year and a half old next Tuesday and I haven't mentioned the word priest to him once yet. ... And Ella wants to buy him a little altar to play with. And I says, 'You mean as a toy?' And she says, 'Yes, as a toy.' ... So I said, 'All right. You can get him a little altar to play with as a toy but don't start lightin' any candles on it or the kid'll get burned to death. ...'
"It'd be kind of funny, wouldn't it, Father, if he did grow up and become a priest? It'd be kind of funny, wouldn't it? ... I met a Bishop once! I shook hands with him, that is to say, I kissed his ring! ... Wouldn't it be funny if my kid grew up an' became a Bishop with a ring? ... It's possible, ain't it? ... 'The Right Reverend Charles Bernard Maloney, D.D.,' that's right, ain't it? ... Gee, wouldn't that be funny? ... Imagine that! ... And then all the folks in our town'd be sayin', 'Gosh, and his old man used to go around the country sellin' gelatine to Jew bakers!' ...
"By the way, do you see that fellow sittin' down at the end of the car ... smokin' a cigarette? ... Well, he's a great friend of mine. ... He's one of my pals. ... He's a hardware salesman. His name is Shmitty. His right name is Smith, but I call him Shmitty. ... He's one of my pals and a darn nice fellow. ... But he don't know beans about religion..." He ain't got no religion. ... If you ask him, 'Who made the world?', he don't know; see what I mean? ... He don't know! ... 'Search me!' says Shmitty if you ask him who made the world. ... He don't believe in anything. ... If you ask him, 'How many persons in God?' he's just as liable to say, 'Two'; see what I mean? ... He don't know what it's all about! ... I'd like to call him up here and have you give him a little talk on religion. Would you mind? ... I wish you would. It'll do him a lot of good. ... I'll just call him up here and introduce him and then you can give him the works. It'll do him a lot of good. ... Oh, no, he won't mind! ...
"Hey, Shmitty! ... Shmitty! ... Come up here. ... Come up here. I want to talk to you! ...
"Sit down, Shmitty! ... Father, this is my friend Shmitty! ... This is one of my pals. We travel around the country together. ... He sells hardware and I sell gelatine, but we're good friends just the same. ... Shmitty, this is a Catholic priest. You know, Catholic, just the same as me! ... And I want him to give you a little talk on religion. Because I think you need it. ... Now wait a minute, Shmitty! ... Listen, Shmitty! Wait a minute! ... Just a minute, please! ... Don't start talkin' that way! ... Give Father a chance to talk! ... Bible? ... Bible? ... What do you know about the Bible? ..."
"You don't know beans about the Bible; what are you tryin' to talk about the Bible for? ... Listen, Shmitty! ... Listen! ... Don't be talking to Father about the Bible! Why, Father knows the Bible upside down, inside out, don't you, Father? ... Why, Father knows the Bible in Latin, don't you, Father? ... He can read it in Latin, the language Our Lord wrote it in, can't you, Father? ... Listen, Shmitty, don't be talkin' about Our Lord that way! Don't call Him Christ, call Him Our Lord! ... What do you know about Our Lord? ... Well, who was He? ... Yes, who was Our Lord? ... The King of the Jews? ... The King of the Jews? ... He was not the King of the Jews! ... No, He wasn't! ... "He was the King of the whole world, wasn't He, Father? ... Certainly! He was the King of the Irish and the Germans and the French and everybody! ... He was the King of the whole world! ... He was not the King of the Jews! ... No, sir! ... Listen, Shmitty! ... Listen, please! ... Listen! That's what they said to Him when they put Him to death, when they wanted to insult Him. They said, 'You are,—Thou art the King of the Jews!' And Our Lord said, 'I am not. I am the King of Everybody! ...' No! ... Listen, Shmitty! ... That's what the fellow said who condemned Him to..."You said: "... death. He was the one who said, 'You are the King of the Jews!' ... The fellow who put Him to death! ... Was it Herod, Father? ... Oh, yes, Punches Pilate! ... Punches Pilate, the fellow who put Our Lord to death, he was the one who said 'Write on His cross: The King of the Jews.' ... Punches Pilate! ... Do you know what a punch is? ... Well, a lot of them! Bing! Bing! Punches! ... That's right, punches! ... Well, he was the one who said, 'Call Him the King of the Jews!' ... Listen, Shmitty! Who wants to be King of the Jews? ... Nobody wants to be King of them? ... No, Our Lord is King of the whole world! ... He's the King of Kings! ... Certainly! He's the Good Shepherd! And all the world is His sheep! ... And furthermore on the Last Day the sheep get saved and the goats lost! I'll bet you didn't even know that, did you, Shmitty? ... Well, Our Lord is the Good Shepherd, because He said He was, didn't he, Father? ... And He said, 'I am the Good Shepherd and I lay down my life for my sheep!' didn't He, Father? ..."
"Yes, Charlie, He did!"
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