The Testimony of St. John The Baptist Concerning Christ

 
MEDITATION FOR THE THIRD SUNDAY OF ADVENT

“The Jews sent from Jerusalem priests and levites to him, to ask him: ‘Who art thou?’ He confessed: ‘I am not Christ. But there has stood One in the midst of you, Whom you know not. The same is He that shall come after me, Who is preferred before me; the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to loose’” (John I, 19, 26, 27).

First Prelude: In spirit, see the banks of the Jordan where St. John baptizes.

Second Prelude: O Divine Saviour, give me grace to know myself that I may correct my faults, and make Thyself better known to me that I may love Thee more and more.

First Point

THE PROFOUND HUMILITY OF ST. JOHN

The Jews sent priests and levites to John in the desert to ask him whether he is the Christ. The sanctity of his life was so manifest and had diffused such light, that he was universally held to be the Messiah, or at least a great prophet. John, however, confessed, “I am not the Christ” and added humbly, “I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness.” Jesus had called him the greatest man ever born of woman, more than prophet. He was an Elias, according to the spirit, announcing the advent of Him to whom all prophecies referred, but in his own estimation he was not even worthy to loose the latchet of Christ’s shoes.

How does the humility of St. John condemn our pride! How much do we think of ourselves, how eager are we to make known our imaginary advantages and to display our overrated possible good qualities! Even though, at times, we speak depreciatingly of ourselves, is it not done with a view of meriting praise? Let us, in all sincerity and in the presence of the Supreme Judge, answer the question: “Who art thou?” If the grace of God has led us into religion, how do we now fulfill the duties of our holy state? Alas, cannot we say with much more truth than did St. Bernard: I am only a religious in name, because I lead a life of distractions. In my holy calling I should excel in the practice of virtues, but I am conscious only of faults and imperfections?

Let us often ask ourselves what others think and say of us. The reproach of men, and especially the loving admonitions of our fellow-religious, may prove very beneficial, if we take them in good part. We will, in the future frequently call to mind that our fate for all eternity is determined by the one question “Who art thou?” and often earnestly put it to ourselves. What progress might I not have made, had I corresponded generously to the graces imparted to me so abundantly!

Second Point

ST. JOHN’S TESTIMONY OF CHRIST

Profoundly humble, St. John speaks very little of himself, but takes pleasure in dwelling at length upon the greatness of our Lord. “But there has stood One in the midst of you Whom you know not. The same is He that shall come after me. Who is preferred before me, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to loose.” So glorious a testimony made by a man of the type of St. John under the existing circumstances, was well calculated to impress the messengers favorably, as well as those who had sent them, had they been properly disposed. Despising, however, the proffered light, they yielded themselves up to deception and blindness.

In our day countless Christians, even, deserve the reproach of St. John: “In your midst there has stood One whom you know not.” They labor diligently to acquire accomplishments, study the biographies of distinguished men, of whose great deeds they should be ashamed to be ignorant, but they know very little or nothing of our dear Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, and make little effort to acquire such knowledge; consequently, they do not love Him. So long as Saul was estranged to the truths of religion, he was a furious persecutor of the Church of God, but once the mercy of God had led him to the true fold of Christ, his ambition, his persevering zeal, his only desire was directed henceforth to growth in the knowledge of Christ, Jesus. Hence, also, his ardent love, his eloquence, when from the fullness of his heart he depicts the charms of the love of God and of neighbor.

May the reproach which the Baptist addressed to the Jews not apply to the spouses of Christ, in whose midst He dwells, whom He daily nourishes with His Flesh and Blood, and whom they should study diligently during the daily meditation? Let it be our earnest endeavor, especially during the holy season of Advent, when Holy Mother Church heralds the near approach of the Saviour, to penetrate deeply into His love, which He manifests in the mystery of the Incarnation.

Affections: O my Divine Saviour, how consoling and honorable for Thy holy precursor, to be the voice crying out to men to prepare the way of the Lord! Rejoicing with her whole heart, Holy Church, at Thy approaching advent, invites all her children to participate in her joy. With a tender love we will respond to her invitation, ever mindful that Thou art nigh to each one of us. Thou desirest to be near us with Thy grace and Thy peace; but how many remain at a distance, because they know Thee not, nor do they desire to know Thee. O Divine Saviour, enlighten these blinded souls, draw them unto Thee by the sweet power of Thy grace. Compel the obdurate to enter into themselves and remove the obstacles that oppose Thy bountiful advent in their hearts. True to the admonition of the Apostle, we will hasten to meet Thee with prayers, fasting, impetration and thanksgiving, to participate in Thy peace, which surpasses all comprehension.

Resolution: In order to acquire a thorough knowledge of self, I will make my daily examen with increased fervor and zeal.

Spiritual Bouquet: “There hath stood One in your midst Whom you know not.”

O JESUS, LIVING IN MARY

O Jesus, living in Mary! come and live in Thy servants, in the spirit of Thy holiness, in the fullness of Thy might, in the truth of Thy virtues, in the perfection of Thy ways, in the communion of Thy mysteries; subdue every hostile power, in Thy spirit for the glory of the Father. Amen.

(Indulgence of 300 days, once a day.—Pius IX, Oct. 14, 1859.)

Mary Consents to Become the Mother of God

MEDITATION FOR SATURDAY

“And Mary said: ‘Behold the handmaid of the Lord: be it done unto me according to Thy word’” (Luke i, 28).

First Prelude: Remain near the Blessed Virgin and full of holy joy, in company with the angel, listen to the expression of her humble obedience.

Second Prelude: Obtain for me the grace, O holy Virgin, ever to fulfill the holy Will of God by faithful and cheerful obedience to the directions of my superiors, and exact observance of our Holy Rule.

First Point

“BEHOLD THE HANDMAID OF THE LORD”

With what exquisite delight did the angel receive Mary’s reply placed on her lips by the Holy Ghost: “Behold the handmaid of the Lord!” What profound humility lay concealed under these words! Surely, the Blessed Virgin, who was humble of heart, would have been guilty of no fault if, full of joy and exultation at the rare graces received, she had called herself a spouse of the Holy Spirit, a friend of God. The more the Most High overwhelmed her with favors the more did Mary immerse herself in admiration and praise of the Divine Goodness and Mercy, Who bestows choicest graces upon man, without any deserts on his part. Mary recognized in the profound abasement and boundless love of her God in the mystery of the Incarnation, persevered in loving admiration, and offered Him as most fitting homage, her own profound annihilation and humiliation.

The Holy Ghost, alone, could teach Mary to unite the most contradictory extremes. She believed firmly that she would become the Mother of God, and still called herself His handmaid. How can such utter abasement harmonize with so sublime a dignity? Oh, the depths of the wisdom of God! It teaches us to preserve humility even in the most exalted station, and, despite great merits, to regard ourselves but lightly and with contempt. God reveals His mysteries to the little and the humble. The more graces He confers on them and the more He blesses their labors, the less they are occupied with self, and the more they become absorbed in God. Oh, that we would learn the practice of sincere humility from our holy Mother! If she calls herself the handmaid of the Lord, must not we deem ourselves happy to be able to call ourselves servants of the poor and the ignorant? Should not we, therefore, sacrifice all to be in reality always and everywhere truly humble servants of the Lord?

Second Point

“BE IT DONE UNTO ME ACCORDING TO THY WORD”

These words are an indication of Mary’s perfect submission to the holy Will of God. At that moment Mary most probably, by divine intuition, foresaw the sufferings that should be her portion as Mother of God. From Holy Writ, she had learned of the sorrows that awaited her. Expounders of Scripture say that by consenting to become the Mother of God, Mary acquired more graces and merits than all creatures together should be able to merit. “Be it done unto me according to Thy Word!” What an excellent word for all servants of God, especially for religious! Can a more beautiful one be thought of? When the sound of the bell calls us to a duty, or we receive a commission from our superiors, let us cheerfully say: “Fiat!” in imitation of our dear Mother. “Be it done unto me according to Thy word,”—not according to my will, to self-love or personal comfort.

There are special moments in life when almighty God, by His loving inspirations or through the voice of our superiors, demands a sacrifice of us. As children of our heavenly Mother could we hesitate? Three times a day, Holy Mother Church asks us to repeat these words of our Blessed Mother. Let us always say them with full submission to the decrees of Divine Providence, and hold ourselves in readiness to repeat with our Blessed Mother, the “Fiat!” of perfect fidelity and love, should God in the course of the day, see fit to test our obedience.

Affections: O Mary, happy Virgin, thou callest thyself a handmaid but thou art also His Mother, His Spouse. Thou art a handmaid, but at the same time Queen of Angels. Thou art the servant most pleasing to God and the object of His tenderest love. Oh, obtain for me the grace always and everywhere to say with ardent love: Behold, O Lord, I am Thy handmaid, be it done unto me according to Thy word. Henceforth I will no longer close my ears to Thy holy inspirations. Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth! Thy servant is ready to do Thy will. But assist me with Thy grace, that I may perfectly fulfill, not only Thy commands, but even Thy slightest wish.

Resolution: I will obey cheerfully and readily, when called to a duty, be it by the voice of my superior or by the precepts of our Holy Rule.

Spiritual Bouquet: “Behold, the handmaid of the Lord, be it done unto me according to Thy word!”

Prayer: Take, O Lord . . .

The Question of The Blessed Virgin and the Angel's Answer

MEDITATION FOR FRIDAY

“And Mary said to the angel: ‘How shall this be done?’ and the angel answering said to her: ‘The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee and the power of the Most High shall overshadow thee, because no word shall be impossible with God’” (Luke 1, 34–37).

First Prelude: Reverently enter the Blessed Virgin’s humble abode and listen to her discourse with the heavenly messenger.

Second Prelude: O Immaculate Virgin, let me learn of thee a tender love of holy virginity and humble confidence in the all-powerful assistance of God.

First Point

“HOW SHALL THIS BE DONE?”

Must we not admire the prudent reserve of the Blessed Virgin, who spoke only after having well considered the angel’s words? She was not incredulous, but only desired to know how his message could be harmonized with her vow of virginity: “How shall this be done?” The magic of this word has drawn countless souls to Christ, and merited for Mary the glorious title “Queen of Virgins.” How perfectly did the sentiments of Mary conform to the designs of God, and how worthy did she appear of the sublime dignity about to be conferred upon her! It was her spotless purity, her love of virginity that made her the object of the especial love and predilection of Jesus; that made her worthy to become His Mother. He delights to dwell in pure hearts. Would we have Jesus dwell in our hearts, too, then we must endeavor to keep even the very shadow of sin aloof. We have long since given Jesus our hearts, of which He is so jealous. Should we not displease Him, therefore, by entertaining unnecessary or even dangerous thoughts? How necessary is it for us in imitation of the example of our holy Mother, to be reserved in our words, to curb our curiosity which so endangers purity and humility! Let us love seclusion and shun seeing and being seen, lest the beautiful splendor of the angelic virtue be marred in us, that God may look upon us with pleasure and impart His graces abundantly.

Do my words testify to a pure heart and prudent reserve? Do I love solitude, mortification of the eyes and the tongue, as custodians of holy purity?

Second Point

THE ANSWER OF THE ANGEL

The angel assures Mary that the ineffable mystery shall be accomplished in her by the operation of the Holy Ghost. The same Divine Omnipotence which wrought the astounding miracle of the Incarnation in Mary, must effect all good in us. It must overshadow us, strengthen us in temptation and complete the work of grace, our sanctification. Let us not obstruct the operations of the Holy Spirit in our soul, nor suffer ourselves to be misled by sensuality, self-love, and human respect.

To confirm Mary in confidence, but more for our instruction, the angel concludes with the words: “No word shall be impossible with God.” To all the difficulties that loom up in our imagination, either to make our faith waver or to shake our trust, let us answer: I believe because God has revealed it; I hope for all that He has promised, for with God nothing is impossible. Let us seek encouragement with St. Paul, when he says: “I can do all things in Him Who strengtheneth me” (Phil. 4, 13). Provided I am docile to His grace, God will accomplish whatever He has entrusted to me. The discharge of the duties of my office, the perfect accomplishment of every task assigned to me by obedience, will become possible through Him to Whom nothing is impossible.

Nevertheless, in our endeavor to acquire perfection, in the combat of our evil propensities, our inherent misery may assert itself and advance the objection: How is it possible that I shall ever become a zealous religious? Oh, in answer to such timidity we, too, hear the words of the angel: “With God there is nothing impossible.” Even lukewarm souls, if they are truly humble, faithful to grace, and constant in prayer, shall become fervent and their works fruitful for eternal life.

Affections: O purest Virgin, enhanced by thy wisdom and humility, virginity shines forth in thee in all its splendor. Thou hast merited to conceive and to present to us Him Who comes as the “Blessed in the name of the Lord.” Thou fillest heaven with exultation and bliss, and earth with joy and delight. O Mary, who hast found grace which establishes peace between God and man, obtain for thy children, a share of this blessed peace. Obtain for us thy profound humility, thy heavenly purity, thy fiery steadfast love of God, that nothing may be impossible for us, and that with implicit trust in God we may accomplish all His sacred designs.

Resolution: In all difficulties, I will humbly have recourse to God.

Spiritual Bouquet: “Nothing shall be impossible with God.”

Prayer: Remember, O most gracious Virgin …

The Angel Calms the Blessed Virgin

MEDITATION FOR THURSDAY

Who having heard was troubled at his saying, and thought what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said to her: ‘Fear not, Mary, for thou hast found grace with God’ ” (Luke 1, 29).

First Prelude: Again, in spirit, enter the humble dwelling at Nazareth and contemplate the Blessed Virgin, troubled at the angel’s words.

Second Prelude: Ask of the Blessed Virgin a share in her wonderful humility and unbounded confidence.

FIRST POINT

EFFECTS OF THE ANGELIC SALUTATION

The evangelist relates that “When Mary heard this she was troubled, and thought what manner of salutation this should be.” Mary’s fear proceeded from her deep humility. It was not the appearance of the angel, not the wonderful splendor surrounding him that troubled her—she was accustomed to intercourse with heavenly spirits, as the mystical writers say; but she was troubled at the angel’s words. He had said: “Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, Blessed art thou among women” (Luke 1, 28). Her humility was unable to comprehend the extraordinary distinction suggested by these words.

What an example does the Blessed Virgin set us in this mystery! She had every reason to rejoice at the angel’s message; yet she feared; her heart sought no honor, no preference, she rejected the praise bestowed upon her. She deemed herself unworthy to be thus singularly honored by God with such rare graces. Her humility is as profound as her knowledge of God is sublime and exalted. Why are there so few humble souls? Is it not because profound knowledge of God and thorough knowledge of self are rarely found among men? If we wish to advance in perfection we must strive earnestly to grow in this two-fold knowledge, and often propound to ourselves the question: “Who is God and who am I?” St. Charles Borromeo who was so deeply grounded in humility, said: “Mary, the humble Virgin, becomes troubled on hearing an angel praise her in virtue of a divine command; we, miserable sinners, crave the empty praises of men.”

All those who constantly commune with God by the contemplation of divine things, and a pure life, flee honor and praise, and if such, nevertheless, are accorded them, they accept them reluctantly. How am I disposed in this respect? Do I bear in mind that the grace of God finds no entrance into a heart filled with self?

SECOND POINT

THE ANGEL CALMS THE BLESSED VIRGIN

Noticing the fear of Mary, the angel quieted her and said: “Fear not, Mary, for thou hast found grace with God” (Luke 1, 30). It is peculiar to the spirit of God to dispel fear from our hearts. An inspiration is divine if it begets peace and implicit confidence in God, which are ever its special marks. The false insinuations of the Evil One always beget unrest and usually mislead to vain presumption and mistrust in God’s mercy. No imperfection attached to the Blessed Virgin’s fear, but the angel dispelled it that she might receive the divine message with perfect composure. “Thou hast found grace with God,” this is the reason why Mary should not fear; she possessed God’s grace, His love and pleasure. This consciousness is an impenetrable shield against all fear, for what could frighten her whom the Holy Ghost assures that she is a child of God?

Oh, let us guard against losing the grace of God or weakening its effects through our fault! On our deathbed, nothing shall be able to give us greater assurance than the knowledge that, with the grace of God, we have always endeavored to do what we recognized as pleasing to Him, feared sin and by contrition and penance, atoned for the sins committed. May we not in all humility and confidence, still hope to find grace with God? Let us beg Mary, who constantly corresponded to grace, to help us repair our past abuse of graces by redoubled zeal and fervor.

Do I suffer myself to be unnecessarily disquieted and troubled by the insinuations of the devil? Have I not thus lost much valuable time?

Affections: O Mary, thou blest Spouse of the Holy Spirit, blest Mother of the Eternal Word, glorious Queen of Angels, amiable Mother of Mercy, how I rejoice in thy ineffable happiness! Truly, with fullest justice did the angel say to thee: “Thou hast found grace with God.” And in what measure hadst thou found grace! Thou hadst not only received the fullness of grace thyself, but, in thy adorable Son, the source and fountain-head of all graces and merits. Oh, how rich and happy art thou! Pray incessantly for me that thy Divine Son may pardon all my sins and endow me with grace, wisdom and divine love. Pray that He may grant me a happy death, be merciful to me in Judgment and receive me into the abode of eternal peace and bliss.

Resolution: I will manifest great modesty and reserve in my words and actions.

Spiritual Bouquet: “Fear not, Mary, for thou hast found grace with God.”

Prayer: Remember, O most gracious Virgin …




60437

Shaggycoat

Dear Diary

At morning Mass, Father LeRoy said something I don’t think I’ll forget for a long time. He told us that Jesus doesn’t just visit us on Sundays—He wants to abide in us. That means He wants to stay with us all the time, even when we’re doing chores or just sitting still. Father said that when Jesus really lives in us, we become more like Him—kinder, braver, and more full of love.

Later in the afternoon, Mini and I walked down to the cave with our little lunch and my scrapbook. The breeze was cool and the creek was rushing gently over the rocks, like it was humming a song just for us. I sat in my usual spot near the grotto and was about to open my book when I heard a rustle from down by the water. It was Shaggycoat!

He waddled up from Indian Creek, his paws all wet and muddy. I was so happy to see him. He came right up like he wanted to be part of everything. And wouldn’t you know—Mini scooted in from the other side, eyes wide, like she wasn’t going to let a beaver take over her spot!

Next thing I knew, they were both crowding onto my lap at once. Mini leaned into me like she needed protection, and Shaggycoat just plopped right down like he belonged there (which he kind of does). I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I told them both there was room for each of them in my heart—and I think that’s just how the Holy Spirit is too. There’s always room for more love.

Evening Prayer:

Dear Jesus, thank You for coming to live in my heart. Help me make it a soft, warm place for You to stay. And thank You for little joys like muddy beavers and faithful corgis who don’t want to be left out. Abide in me always. Amen.

Love,

Kathy

Fear Not

 

 

Friday, May 2, 1956

Dear Diary,

Robert picked us up early this morning. The weather was mild—no scarves needed—and Mini waited patiently at the truck until Robert opened the door. She jumped in like she knew exactly where we were headed.

Mass was peaceful. Mini curled up under our pew and rested her head on my foot, which made kneeling a bit tricky. I tried not to move her, so I knelt sort of sideways and did my best to pray properly.

Afterward, we stayed in the pew to read Today’s Meditation. It followed right along with Father’s homily since he uses the same book. The part that stayed with me was when Jesus met the women after the Resurrection and said, “All Hail.”They held onto His feet and adored Him, and He told them, “Fear not.” The meditation said He gives grace that fits our weakness. I like that. It makes me feel like He knows just how to help me, even when I feel small.

Father invited us to the rectory afterward—completely last minute. He scurried around the kitchen fixing oatmeal, while we helped set the table. He even poured some into a little dish for Mini, who ate it faster than anyone.

Evening Prayer:

Jesus, thank You for knowing my heart and telling me not to be afraid. Let me always stay close to You. Amen.


Love,

Kathy

Jesus Reveals Himself to Mary Magdalen

 

May 1st, 1956

Dear Diary,

The first day of May felt like the world had been gently washed and hung out in the sun. The breeze smelled like lilacs, and everything seemed to be blooming all at once. Sister Mary Claire reminded me that May is the Month of Mary, the Blessed Mother, and I promised to do something kind each day in her honor—even if it’s just a little thing, like saying an extra Hail Mary or being extra gentle with Mini.

Robert pulled up this morning right on time. His pickup was clean and shiny from last night’s rain, and Mini was already waiting at the end of the lane with her ears perked and her tail wiggling like mad. We climbed in, and Sister had her Meditation Book open on her lap. She told me we’d read it together later since there wasn’t time before Mass.

After we got back from church and took care of the chicken chores—feeding, watering, and gathering eggs—we sat on the bench near the coop and finished today’s meditation about Mary Magdalen. The hens were scratching around in the dirt, and the wind felt soft on my face.

The part that stayed with me the most said, “O my Jesus, speak to my heart, as Thou didst speak to Magdalen: say but one word to me and a light shall flood my soul.” I thought about how she stayed by the empty tomb when everyone else had left. She didn’t understand what had happened, but she stayed. And because she stayed, Jesus came.

I imagined what it would feel like to hear Him say my name. Just one word—and I would know it was Him, and everything inside me would feel full of light and love and peace. I want to be that kind of person. The kind who waits and listens and doesn’t give up.

Sister says Mary Magdalen’s love for Jesus was so big that even sadness couldn’t make her walk away. I asked Jesus to help me love Him like that—more than anything else, even if it’s hard.

Evening Prayer:
Dear Jesus,
Please speak to my heart like You did to Mary Magdalen. Even just one word from You would be enough to fill me with peace. I want to stay close to You always. And dear Mother Mary, this month is yours—help me live it well.
Amen.

Love,
Kathy

Mary Magdalene's Love for Jesus

 
April 30

Dear Diary

This morning started out just like most good mornings do—standing out at the mailbox with Sister Mary Claire and Mini while we waited for Robert. He waved real big when he turned up the lane in his pickup, and Mini gave a tiny bark and jumped right in. I brought my diary along in case I had a chance to write something after Mass.

At St. Mary’s, it was peaceful and still. The candlelight flickered a little, and I could smell the wax and pine from the pews. Before Mass began, Sister read a piece from Our Meditation Book—about how Mary Magdalene ran to the tomb and found it empty. Father LeRoy talked about that, too, and how much love Mary Magdalene had for Jesus. I thought about what it must have felt like to find the stone rolled away and to be the very first to know He had risen. It made me feel like I was there.

After chores in the afternoon, I added fresh straw in the nests at the henhouse. Omelette clucked her thanks, I think. Then Mini and I took the path down to the cave. The air felt cool and a little sweet, like it had just rained even though it hadn’t. We stopped at the little grotto where the statue of Mary stands, with her hands folded and her face so gentle and kind. I knelt in front of her and said a quiet prayer I’d found in an old prayer book we keep by the side table.

Here it is:

A Prayer to Our Blessed Mother at the Grotto

Dear Mother Mary,

I come with a heart full of small things—just like wildflowers gathered in a field.

Please carry my little prayers to Jesus and help me to love Him like you do.

Make my heart soft like yours, full of trust and always ready to say yes.

Amen.

Now it’s getting dark outside. The frogs are starting up in the creek and the hens are settling in. Mini’s curled up on my feet under the table as I write.


Dear Jesus,

Thank You for today—for Mass, and for Mary Magdalene, and for Mama Mary who always listens to me.

Watch over us tonight and help me wake up ready to love You again tomorrow.

Amen.




Love,

Kathy

Seeking the Risen Christ

Dear Diary,

Today was one of those peaceful, quiet days at Littlemore Farm. Sister Mary Claire and I went to morning Mass, and Father LeRoy’s homily was all about the Resurrection, just like the meditation we had planned to read later on.

After chores were finished, Sister and I snuggled up under our patchwork quilt, and we read today’s meditation together. I saved  it here in my diary because it was so beautiful.

MEDITATION FOR TUESDAY

The Angels Instruct the Holy Women Concerning the Resurrection of the Lord

"And the angel answering said to the women: 'Fear not you; for I know that you seek Jesus Who was crucified. He is not here: for He is risen as He said. Come, and see the place where the Lord was laid'" (Matt. 28, 5-6).

First Prelude: Picture the angel in shining apparel speaking to the holy women at the sepulchre.

Second Prelude: Grant me grace, O Jesus, ever to seek Thee, the Crucified, that I may render myself worthy of Thy pleasure and Thy grace.

First Point

The Holy Women Come to the Sepulchre

With fear and trembling they beheld the angel, who had rolled back the stone and had seated himself on it. But the heavenly messenger, whose apparition had hurled the guards to the ground and put them to flight, soon ended their consternation, when he said: "Fear not, for I know that you seek Jesus of Nazareth!" All who seek Jesus crucified have nothing to fear; neither in this world nor in the next; neither from the good angels who protect, comfort, and encourage, nor from the evil spirits who are powerless in their regard. Such is the compensation with which God rewards all that seek Him with perseverance, zeal, and love. Peace, calmness and true joy of spirit shall be their portion, while those who seek themselves or anything outside of God, shall find naught but unrest, fear, and trouble.

Let us, therefore, diligently seek Jesus, by not fleeing the cares and hardships of our vocation. Animated by a fervent desire, let us cheerfully accept, and patiently bear, whatever is repugnant. May I always be able to say in truth: I seek Jesus, the Crucified; for love of Him I will bear the cross, will persevere with Him, die with Him on the cross.

Why else have I chosen the religious state, whose aim it is to crucify the old man constantly? Why have I joined the ranks of apostolic souls, if not that besides carrying my own cross I may help others carry theirs?

Second Point

The Angels Announce the Resurrection of Christ

The angel having dispelled their fear, the holy women entered the sepulchre, but found not the Body of the Lord. Two other angels appeared to them, who said: "Why seek you the living with the dead? He is not here, but is risen. Remember how He spoke unto you, when He was yet in Galilee, saying: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and the third day rise again'" (Luke 24, 5-8).

How great must have been the joy of these holy women, to know that their Master lives and that they failed to see His Body because He was risen from the dead. Happy women, who were the first to hear of the resurrection from angels' lips! They had merited such happiness by following the Saviour, not only when He revealed His power by astounding miracles, but also when, laden with the cross, He walked the painful road to Calvary, and again now, when they were about to bestow marks of faithful love on Christ in the sepulchre.

The words of the angel, however, savored also of a slight reproach; how often had Jesus told His own, that He would rise again on the third day, and still they forgot such a glorious, consoling promise. The enemies of Jesus, the pharisees, thought of it, nevertheless, and sought for means to hinder the accomplishment of His prophecy; the friends of Jesus, on the contrary, must be reminded of it, even on finding the sepulchre open and empty on the third day.

Just so superficially do we consider incidents in the light of faith, in the time of tribulation. While we forget what there is to hope for with reference to our future resurrection, to fear, or to lose, the children of the world endeavor studiously to ward off a temporal disaster or to secure an earthly advantage. Let us frequently call to mind the great promises given us by our Lord. Let us heed the admonitions of the holy angels. How much more easily shall we then shoulder the burdens of life and how much more merit shall we acquire?

Affections:

The holy women seek Thee, O Jesus; as the Crucified I, too, can find Thee only on the way of constant crucifixion of perverted nature, dying to self, to rise with Thee to a glorious life like Thine,—a new, divine life, by noble and pure sentiments,—an immortal life, by perseverance in good.
Do Thou effect such a happy transformation in me, O my God! Grant that I may never cease to seek Thee, how hidden soever Thou mayest be. Grant that I may always find Thee, through the cross, O my beloved Bridegroom, that thereby I may render myself more and more worthy of Thy grace and Thy glorious promises.

Resolution:

I will perseveringly seek my Saviour by leading a mortified, humble, and hidden life.

Spiritual Bouquet:

 "Fear not; for I know you seek Jesus, Who was crucified."

Prayer

Dear Jesus,

Please help me to always seek You with all my heart, like the holy women did.
Even when I’m scared or things seem heavy, help me remember Your angel’s words: "Fear not."
I want to stay close to You, no matter what, and trust that You are always alive and with me.
Thank You for loving me so much.
I love You, too.

Amen.

The Holy Women

Before Mass this morning, Sister Mary Claire and I found our place in the front pew at St. Mary’s. The church was still and peaceful, with the soft glow of the candles lighting the way. We opened our meditation book and read about the holy women who loved Jesus so much that they went to His tomb early in the morning, even though they didn’t know how they would roll the stone away. As we read, I felt so close to Sister and to Our Lord, like our hearts were trying to be just as brave and loving as those holy women. It was a quiet, tender way to begin the day, and I tucked the words into my heart as we waited for Mass to begin.

THE HOLY WOMEN GO TO THE SEPULCHRE

“And when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalen, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, bought sweet spices, that coming, they might anoint Jesus. And very early in the morning, the first day of the week, they come to the sepulchre, the sun being now risen. And they said to one another: ‘Who shall roll the stone back from the door of the sepulchre?’” (Mark 16, 1-3).

First Prelude: Picture the holy women, early in the morning on their way to the sepulchre to anoint the Body of their Lord with precious ointments.

Second Prelude: Inflame me, O Lord, with Thy holy love, that I may be generous and fervent in the discharge of my duties.

FIRST POINT

THE ZEAL OF THE HOLY WOMEN

Before daybreak after the Sabbath, the holy women started out for the sepulchre, to anoint the Body of the Lord. How ardently they loved Jesus! They knew well that Joseph and Nicodemus had already anointed the sacred Body, but on account of the Sabbath it had to be done hurriedly. What satisfied the demands of strict necessity did not satisfy their love. They felt an eager longing to lavish on the sacred Body of their beloved Master the last honors with all care and solicitude. How are we forced to admire their zeal and fearlessness! Alone, and before break of day they leave the city, ascend Calvary, and go straightway to the sepulchre. Such is the work of charity that knows no bounds, fears no obstacles, and recoils from no difficulty or danger.

How much could we do for the honor of God and the salvation of souls if we were inflamed with similar love! With what fervor should we then perform our spiritual exercises, comply with the obligations of our holy state and advance in perfection! What progress would we make in perfection! Love, which never thinks it has done enough, would sweeten all our difficulties.

Ought not our zeal surpass that of the holy women? They honored the Body of the Saviour after His death, but we may hasten to His Tabernacle in which He reposes under the form of bread, — may receive His glorified Body in Holy Communion. We have the happiness of serving members of our Lord’s mystical body in the poor, the sick, and the children entrusted to our care. Oh, how great is our happiness, how sublime are the obligations of our holy vocation! Alas, why are we not animated by a more lively faith, a more ardent love, a more intense desire?

SECOND POINT

THE WORDS OF THE HOLY WOMEN

“Who shall roll back the stone?” asked the holy women, when they were well under way. Now they recalled the insurmountable obstacle that barred the way to the achievement of their undertaking. Though they realized that their strength was insufficient to overcome it, they did not turn back, but rather continued their way, intent upon rendering the last services to their beloved Master. Let us admire their great steadfastness and implicit trust, grounded in the love of Jesus. How often do we lack courage and confidence, when God demands a work of piety of us! We forget that at the same time He imparts the means to overcome all obstacles. In imitation of the example of the holy women we will proceed courageously, blindly trusting in the Lord. If, like the holy women, we do our share, God will do His, and we can do all things in Him, Who strengtheneth us.

How great was the amazement of the holy women, when, on reaching the grave, they saw the stone rolled back. God had anticipated their confidence, had sent an angel to aid them, and in a single moment, removed the insurmountable barrier. How often have we experienced the powerful and benign assistance of almighty God! How often has Divine Providence lovingly aided our constancy, our trust, and to our great astonishment disposed all things in a manner surpassing our expectations!

Affections: O my God, inflame in my cold heart the fire of the strong, self-sacrificing love I admire in these holy women. How weak and inconstant am I in the face of difficulties, in the discharge of my duties! May I never forget that I, too, serve a Lord Who has power to remove every hindrance, Whose goodness sustains me with His grace, Who sends His angel to protect me. Quicken my confidence, O Lord, let my courage wax strong in the struggle with my passions, that I may say with the Apostle: “For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor things present, nor things to come, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate me from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord” (Rom. 8, 38-39).

Resolution: I will perform all my actions with renewed zeal and love.

Spiritual Bouquet: “I can do all things in Him, Who strengtheneth me.”

Prayer: Take, O Lord…

When Jesus Stands Beside Us

April 27, 1956

Dear Diary,

This morning started out early and beautiful. Sister Mary Claire and I were all ready when Robert pulled up to the mailbox in his pickup to take us to Holy Mass. Mini hopped right up next to me, and I tucked my little diary under my arm so I could write in it after Mass.

Once we got to church, Sister Mary Clare opened her meditation book and smiled, saying today’s meditation was about Jesus appearing to the Apostles after His Resurrection — even though the doors were shut tight for fear of the Jews. She read it quietly to me while we waited for Mass to begin.

It made me think how often I let fear or discouragement creep into my own little heart, just like the Apostles did. But Jesus didn’t scold them when He appeared — He said, “Peace be to you.” Sister explained that Jesus always comes to us kindly, even when we are scared or unsure. His Sacred Heart is full of patience and love. Robert said after Mass that Jesus still carries His wounds as proof of His love for us, and when we see them someday in Heaven, they will be like a kiss of peace for our own souls.

I thought about how Jesus told the Apostles not to be afraid, and how He gently showed them His hands and feet. I want to remember that whenever I feel unsure or timid — Jesus is always near, whispering, “It is I; fear not.”

Now that we’re home again, I feel like my heart is full of quiet joy. I’m going to try to be more patient with little troubles and remember how much Jesus loves even the smallest faith in Him.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for showing me today that You never leave me, even when I am afraid. Please help me stay close to You, and whisper Your peace to my heart when I need it most. I love You, dear Jesus.

Amen.

Love, Kathy

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When Mary Smiled Again

Dear Diary,

Mini is laying right next to me while I write. I’ve been thinking about how happy Mary must have been to see Jesus again—really see Him, alive and full of glory. Even though the Bible doesn’t say so, I just know He appeared to her first. She had been with Him through everything—standing by the cross with her heart aching and breaking. So how could He not go to her first, after He rose?

She must’ve waited and waited, loving Him so much, even through the silence and sadness. And then suddenly, He was there—not bleeding anymore, not suffering, but glowing with light. Her Son. Her joy. Her God. I think her heart must’ve burst wide open, not with sorrow anymore, but with the biggest joy ever.

I bet she touched His face, heard His voice again—not like on Good Friday, but warm and strong and full of life. Oh, how she must’ve loved Him in that moment! I want to love Him like that too. And I want to stay close to Mary, because her love helps me learn how.

O Mary, my Heavenly Mother, help me to be full of joy and love, just like you were when you saw Jesus again. Let me always be your child.

Love,

Kathy

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Friday of Easter Week

Dear Diary, 

It was 45 degrees this morning, with a damp chill in the air that made me pull my sweater tight. Sister Mary Claire stood beside me at the mailbox, holding her meditation book close to her chest like it was something precious. The sky was all overcast and still, and I could see my breath while we waited.

Robert’s pickup came rolling up to the mailbox, warm and humming like always. As soon as he opened the door, Mini jumped in ahead of us and made a beeline for the heater. She sniffed around for a second, then hopped up into my lap with a satisfied little huff. Her ears flattened as I held her close while we rode.

Sister opened her meditation book and began to read as we drove. It was about the sacred wounds of Jesus—how He kept them even after He rose from the dead, and how they shine now with glory and love. The book said His wounds are like places of shelter, where we can go when we’re hurting or tired. It even said we should enter into His wounds, like they’re holy places full of comfort and peace.

I thought about that all through Holy Mass. Father LeRoy gave his homily on the same thing, speaking gently about how Jesus didn’t erase His wounds after the Resurrection. Instead, He kept them so we could always see His love written right on His body. He said they’re not just signs of pain—they’re victories. Signs that Jesus has overcome everything, even death.

Later in the day, I went down to the cave. I knew I needed to be there. Mini ran ahead stopping once to look back at me to make sure I was still coming.

When I stepped through the cave entrance, I thought of Jesus’ side—how the soldier pierced it and how the meditation said His wounds are safe places for us. The cave is dark and hidden, and I always feel wrapped up and protected inside it. Maybe that’s why I go there so often—it reminds me of being held inside something sacred. Like His love itself.

I lit my candle and sat for a while in the quiet of my secret room. It felt like I had stepped inside that very love, just like the meditation talked about. A place where all the hard parts of life are understood and gently held.

It was nearly dark when I blew the candle out, and Mini and I made our way back to the house. Supper was tomato soup with saltine crackers and slices of Sister’s homemade Wonder bread—soft and warm with a pad or two of Kalona butter.

Now I’m in bed, the window cracked just a little to let in the cool night air, and Mini curled up taking a good share of my pillow.

Dear Jesus, thank You for keeping Your wounds so I can always remember Your love. Let me find comfort in them when I’m tired, and strength when I’m afraid. Let me rest in Your side like a little cave of peace. Amen.

Love, Kathy

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The Promise of Rising

Thursday of Easter Week, 1956

Dear Diary, 

Oh what a morning! I woke up bright-eyed and wide awake like I had never even gone to sleep. I was out of bed and dressed in five minutes flat—ready to go to Holy Mass. Ha! But Sister Mary Claire said, “Slow down, little one,” and handed me my tooth brush. So I had to brush my teeth and comb out my braids all tidy. I gave Mini her breakfast—just a scoop of oats and cream, and she wagged her bottom like always.

We met Robert at the mailbox, and he had that happy grin of his, like he was glad to see us. Sister had her meditation book tucked under her arm, and once we were settled in the pickup, she opened it to the Thursday meditation. It was all about Jesus’ Resurrection—not just how He rose, but how His Resurrection is a promise for our own someday, too.

Sister said it’s like a pledge—Jesus rising from the dead means we really will rise too, if we live close to Him. She said heaven is worth every little hardship we bear, because we’re meant for joy that doesn’t end. Robert added that when you're tired or worried, just think of how the saints carried their crosses, trusting God’s promise all the way to the end. I liked that a lot. Then Father LeRoy, during his homily, said the Resurrection isn't just about Jesus coming back to life, but about Him giving us life—eternal life—and that makes every little sacrifice worth it. It made me want to try even harder to love Jesus back.

After Mass, we all went to the Breakfast Club, and Sister Mary Claire treated us! I got a hot waffle with golden butter and real maple syrup. What a treat! Then came the biggest surprise of all—Caleb brought out a dessert waffle just for me, with strawberries and a big dollop of whipped cream from Kalona Dairy. It tasted like springtime and feast days all at once. I didn’t even ask, but Sister smiled and said, “Yes, you may,” before I’d opened my mouth.

The ride home was quiet. Even Mini curled up and napped on my lap. Once we got inside, I yawned and said, “I think I’m all ready for a nap,” and Sister just chuckled and said, “So am I.”

The rest of the day was still and gentle, like Easter week knows how to hush the hours. I helped with a few little things around the house and read a bit, but mostly I thought about how lucky I am to be so loved—by Jesus, by Sister, by everyone He’s put around me.

Dear Jesus,
Thank You for rising from the grave so that I can rise too. Help me to be brave in little things and joyful in quiet ones. Thank You for waffles and sunshine and people who teach me about You. I want to live in a way that makes You smile. Please help me grow into someone You’ll be proud to call Your own.
Amen.

Love,
Kathy

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Rising With Him

 

 

Dear Diary,

It was 58 degrees this morning, with heavy clouds hanging low, but no rain just yet. Sister Mary Claire and I stood by the mailbox waiting for Robert. She was holding her meditation book, and Mini kept close, sniffing the grass and watching the road. Soon Robert’s pickup rumbled up and we climbed in for our ride to St. Mary’s.

We got there early enough for Sister to read the day’s meditation to me. It was about how Jesus rising from the dead shows us how to rise, too—not just at the end of our lives, but every day, in little ways, through grace. The part that stuck with me most was the question: What stone weighs down your heart? I’m still thinking about that.

Father Leroy’s homily helped. He talked about how spiritual resurrection means turning away from sin and tepidity and starting again with zeal. I liked that word—zeal. He said Jesus didn’t just leave the tomb behind, but also the wrappings that bound Him, and we have to do the same with the things that keep us from loving God fully.

This afternoon it warmed up to 74 degrees, so I went down to the cave. I brought nothing but found my All for Jesus book waiting for me on my pillow. I read a little and must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, Mini was tugging at the quilt. It was getting dark, and we ran up the hill just in time. Supper was ready—macaroni and cheese just out of the oven.  

Dear Jesus,
Help me rise with You. Roll away anything in my heart that keeps me from living for You with joy and trust. Amen.

Love,
Kathy

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Radiance Through the Wounds

April 22, 1956,

Dear Diary,

This morning felt like a gift. The sky was all golden and pink when I opened the curtain, and I could smell the wet grass through the window. It was already nearly 60 degrees when Robert, our good neighbor, pulled up at the mailbox in his pickup. Mini scrambled into my lap before I could even get the door shut—she was all wiggles and excitement to be going to Holy Mass. My tummy, which had given me so much trouble yesterday, felt completely better, and I was glad for that. Sister Mary Claire had her meditation book tucked under her arm, and her smile said it all. She said, “It’s really Easter now, Kathy,” and I knew just what she meant. There was something in the air—like everything had softened and brightened all at once.

We got to church early enough to read from the meditation before Mass. Today it was about the Beauty of the Body of the Risen Saviour. I tried to picture Jesus as the meditation described Him—His body radiant with heavenly glory, His wounds shining like suns. Sister said St. Teresa saw only a hand of the Lord in a vision and never wanted to look at anything else in the world again. I understand that feeling. When I think of Jesus risen, so full of beauty and peace, it makes me want to love Him more, and to never be distracted by things that don’t matter.

Father LeRoy’s homily brought the whole meditation into real life. He said the body of Jesus, even in glory, still carries the marks of His love for us—proof that suffering, when done in love, can become something radiant. After Mass, the ride home was quiet at first, then full of talk. Sister said springtime makes her think of Easter more than any other season—everything waking up, blooming, becoming what it was always meant to be. Robert said that’s why he likes the mornings best, when the mist rises and everything is clean. I looked out the window and nodded. It all fit together—glory, beauty, and the quiet hope of things to come.

Mini stayed close to my feet all afternoon, just happy to nap near the sunlight. Sister made tea and we talked a little more about heaven. She said the wounds of Jesus in heaven are not sad at all—but full of light. I think I’ll try to remember that when something hurts. Maybe it’s on its way to becoming something beautiful.

Dear Jesus,

You are so beautiful in Your risen glory. Let me never forget that the light of heaven shines even through wounds. Thank You for today—for my health, for spring, for Sister, for Robert, and for Mini. Help me to love You more each day, and to keep my heart turned toward the brightness of Easter. Amen.

  

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Road to Emmaus

Easter Monday, 1956

Dear Diary,

I woke up with a bit of a stomach ache this morning, so Sister Mary Claire thought it was best if I stayed home and rested while she went to Holy Mass. I think I must have eaten too much of the ice cream we made in the old White Mountain freezer yesterday. Maybe it was turning the crank that wore me out, or maybe it was sneaking too many little spoonfuls. It sure tasted good, but I sure didn’t feel so good this morning.

While Sister was away at church, Mini stayed with me the whole time. She curled up right next to my bed and never left my side, not even once. I think she knew I wasn’t feeling well. She’s such a good little dog—always watching, always knowing just what to do. Her warm little body pressed against my leg made me feel comforted, like she was saying, “I’m here.”

Sister Mary Claire came back just before noon, and after she checked on me and gave Mini a little scratch behind the ears, she pulled a chair up beside my bed and read today’s Easter Monday meditation out loud. It was all about Jesus appearing to the two disciples on the road to Emmaus. They were walking along so sad and troubled, trying to make sense of all the awful things that had just happened, and Jesus came right up beside them—but they didn’t know it was Him.

Sister said Father LeRoy spoke about that in his homily. He said that we can be just like those disciples, not seeing Jesus when He’s right there beside us, especially when we’re feeling down or afraid. But He listens, and He stays with us until we’re ready to know Him again. That part made me feel warm inside, because maybe that’s how He is with me, too.

The meditation said, “Jesus takes pleasure in the humble avowal of our faults and weaknesses,” and Sister said she underlined that part in her book. I liked it, too. It means I can talk to Him about anything—even my silly stomachache or how I always want one more bite of dessert.

I had a little banana and oatmeal for lunch, just enough, and I put a spoonful of brown sugar on top. That tasted really good. I didn’t do much after that except nap. Mini stayed close the whole afternoon, never more than a few feet away. She really is the best dog in the world.

Now it’s evening, and Sister just helped me get tucked in. She sang Immaculate Mary while folding the laundry, and the whole house feels quiet and gentle. I’m already sleepy again.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for walking with me today, even when I didn’t feel well. Help me remember You are always near, even when I don’t see You. Like the disciples, let my heart burn with love when I hear Your voice. Amen.

Love,

Kathy 

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Hi is Risen

 

 

Easter Sunday, 1956

Dear Diary,

This morning I wore my Easter dress—the one with the tiny rosebuds—and Sister Mary Claire tied my bonnet just right beneath my chin. We waited out by the mailbox for Robert to come pick us up for 10:30 Mass. It was already 50 degrees by then, and a soft spring breeze was brushing my cheeks and stirring the grass. Robert waved when he pulled up, and I could tell he was just as glad to see Easter morning as we were.

Church was filled to the brim, even the side pews. Father LeRoy looked so happy—his vestments were white with gold trim, and his face was bright with joy. His homily was all about the glory of the Risen Savior. He said that Easter morning was the answer to all the sorrow of Holy Week. That the empty tomb is the proof of God’s promise—that Jesus conquered death not only for Himself, but for all of us. He spoke gently, but his voice filled the whole church. He said, “This is not just a story from long ago—it is the beginning of forever.” That part gave me goosebumps.

Sister Mary Claire followed along in her meditation book, underlining things softly with her pencil. I saw she circled the line that said, “Rejoice, O my soul, in the glorious victory of your risen Savior.” I smiled because I felt it, too. I could just picture Jesus stepping out into the morning light, His wounds shining with love, the stone rolled away, and the world never the same again.

After Mass, we all went down to the church basement. The Breakfast Club had laid out such a nice reception—eggs, rolls, cakes, and lots of good strong coffee for the grown-ups. Mini came with us and made fast friends with two other farm dogs. She sniffed everything, wagged like mad, and even got a little piece of sausage from one of the ladies. I think she was just as joyful as the rest of us.

There was so much to eat and so many happy voices that Sister Mary Claire and I decided to save the ham we had planned for dinner. We came home full and a little sleepy from all the sunshine and celebration.

Now I’m tucked in bed, writing by lamplight while Mini snores on the rug beside the bed. We each had a little slice of that ham on Sister’s homemade bread—just enough—and I think we’ll have the rest tomorrow.

Dear Jesus, Risen and Glorious, thank You for this day of light and joy. Let me never forget that You are alive, and that You love me forever. Amen.

Love,

Kathy

 

Jesus is Laid in The Tomb

April 19, 1956

Dear Diary

This morning came in fast and loud. Rain and slush slammed against the windows, and then, just as quickly, it turned to snow. It was one of those short storms that makes you feel like the sky is in a hurry. But Sister Mary Claire said, “No worries,” since Holy Saturday Mass isn’t until tonight.

By evening, the world had quieted again. Robert pulled up to the mailbox just like he said he would. Mini and I hopped in, and Sister slid next to me with her book. The roads were still wet, and it was cold enough to keep my coat buttoned all the way.

Mass tonight wasn’t like other nights. It was slower, quieter. No singing, no bells. Just prayers. Father Leroy talked about how Jesus was laid in the tomb. As he spoke, all I could think about was the gash in Jesus’ side—from yesterday. That open wound, the one the soldier made. I couldn’t stop seeing it in my mind.

Jesus didn’t even flinch when they did it. His Heart had already poured everything out. And now tonight, He’s lying in a tomb. Still. Cold. Alone.

I imagined Mary, His mother, kneeling near the rock that sealed the entrance. I wanted to be there, too. I wanted to hold her hand and not say a word. Just sit in the silence with her. Maybe we’d both have our eyes closed. Maybe we’d both be trying to breathe through the pain.

It’s hard to know how to love someone so much and not be able to do anything for them. That’s how I felt tonight—like my love didn’t know where to go. So I just let it stay in my heart and hoped Jesus could feel it.

The ride home was windy, and the snow had made the roads crunchy. Robert didn’t stop at the mailbox this time—he pulled right up to the house. “You girls get inside now,” he said kindly. Sister thanked him, and Mini gave a quick shake as she jumped down. We said our good nights.

Now I’m in bed, and I keep thinking of the tomb. It’s not just a place of death. It’s a place where love waited. And so I wait, too.

Dear Jesus,

Tonight You are still. You are hidden.
I imagine You lying there in the stone-cold tomb.
But I believe You are not gone.
You are resting. Waiting.
And I will wait with You.
Let my heart be like that tomb—quiet, empty of myself,
and ready to hold You with love.
Comfort Mary, Your mother.
And hold me close, too.

Amen.

Love,

Kathy

A Heart Full of Jesus

Good Friday, 1956

Dear Diary

Tonight was Good Friday Communion service at St. Marys, and I think my heart will never be quite the same.

Robert picked us up at the mailbox just as the sun was beginning to slip behind the bare trees. Sister Mary Claire was holding the meditation book, and Mini jumped into the pickup like she knew it was an important day. There was a chill in the air, the kind that makes you wrap your sweater tighter, but it felt right somehow. Chilly, still, and a little bit heavy—like the earth itself knew today was the day our Savior died.

When we got to church, even though we were early, the pews were already filled. Everyone seemed quieter than usual. No greetings, no whispers. Just a kind of hushed sorrow. Father had fixed the stove, and Sister, Robert and I sat in our usual spot near it with Mini curled at our feet. We opened the meditation and read it quietly to ourselves.

Jesus said, “It is finished,” and bowed His head and died.

The words on the page felt heavier than normal. Not like a story—but like something real that was happening all over again, right there inside my heart. The meditation said Jesus didn’t die because death was stronger than Him, but because love made Him choose to die. He gave Himself, like a lamb, silent and willing, for me.

I could hardly breathe when I read the part about how His arms stretched out on the cross were saying, “I love you.” And how His whole Passion speaks the language of love. I think I read that line three times. Sister glanced at me and nodded slowly. She knew.

We received Holy Communion at the service, and even though there was no Mass, I felt the Lord come into my heart just the same. I knelt down after, and it was like everything in me was quiet. No words. Just full. I couldn’t explain it even if I tried. My heart felt like it was holding Jesus Himself.

On the ride home, I didn’t say much. None of us did. Mini rested her chin on my knee. Sister stared out the window, and Robert just drove, careful and slow like always. I just kept thinking about His Sacred Heart—how it was opened even after He died, so there’d be room for me to come close. I wanted to stay there forever.

It was hard to read the part about my own sins and how often I take back the heart I say I gave to Jesus. But tonight I meant it. I gave it again, and I want Him to keep it this time.

Dear Jesus,
Tonight I don’t have many words. Just my heart.
You died for me. You gave everything for me.
Let me never forget that kind of love.
Keep me near Your cross, near Your open side.
Let Your Precious Blood wash me clean and give me strength to love You back.
Thank You for giving Yourself to me in Communion, even on this sorrowful day.
I believe You are truly in my heart, and I want to stay in Yours.
Please help me live for You always.
I love You, Jesus.
Amen.

Love,
Kathy

The Night Love Knelt Down

April 17, 1956

Dear Diary

This morning, Sister Mary Claire and I read from John Hathaway’s Book on Prayer and Devotion. It’s one of those books that makes you quiet inside. Sister read aloud the part about how even though Jesus prayed for us and gave His life for us, it won’t truly change us unless we pray, too. That stayed with me all day. John Hathaway must’ve understood that well—how prayer is the way we open the door to everything God wants to give us.

Tonight we went to Holy Thursday Mass. Robert picked us up, and the church felt so still and sacred. Father LeRoy washed the feet of twelve parishioners, just like Jesus did. I watched the water spill and the towels being folded, and I thought, This is what love looks like—kneeling, not standing tall.

Then came the most beautiful part—when Father raised the Host and said, “This is My Body.” It gave me chills. Sister whispered that this is the night Jesus gave us the Blessed Eucharist, the very first Mass with His Apostles. I imagined myself there, leaning close like St. John, wanting to remember everything.

After Mass, I knelt for a long time. I thought about what I’d read this morning in John Hathaway’s book—that prayer pulls up the weeds and makes room for virtue to grow. I want to pray like that. I want to let Jesus wash my heart, like He washed their feet.

So tonight, before bed, I’ll kneel by the window and pray—not just with words, but with love.

Dear Jesus, let me stay close to You tonight and always—like St. John at Your side, and like John Hathaway in his quiet cave, praying for a heart full of You.

Love, Kathy

Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

April 16, 1956

Dear Diary,

Robert said he’d come by early this morning—twenty minutes early, to be exact—so that we could all read the daily meditation together before Mass. And sure enough, there he was, grinning through the truck window as we waited by the mailbox. The morning was cold, but little Mini didn’t mind. She bounced right into the pickup like she knew the plan.

We got to church with time to spare and opened our meditation book to today’s reflection: The Last Words of Jesus on the Cross. Just as we began reading about those sacred words—how Jesus cried out, “My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?”—the sacristy door opened and in came Father, setting up for Mass. And wouldn't you know it, Mini made a dash up to the altar and greeted him like he was an old friend. Father gave her a gentle pat on the head and said, “Well, good morning, Miss Mini!”

Mass began not long after, and Father’s homily... it echoed everything we had just read. His words followed right along with the meditation book. Sister Mary Claire always says that’s no coincidence—he reads and prays with the same book we do, and that helps us understand things so much better. I could feel the sadness in Mary’s heart as she heard her Son cry out from the cross. And I thought about all the people who feel forgotten, like Jesus did, and how His suffering gives meaning to theirs—and to mine, too, in my small little ways.

In the afternoon, Mini and I carried a small box of prayer cards, old Mass bulletins, and holy mementos down to the cave. I thought maybe if I sat down in my secret room, it would inspire me to begin a new page in my scrapbook. But after pasting only two little cards and trimming a corner just right, I began to feel sleepy. Like Goldilocks, I curled up on the bed with Mini. When I opened my eyes again, the shadows had grown long across the stone walls, and Mini was tugging at the bedspread trying to say, “Time to go, supper’s waiting!”

And so, we climbed back up to the house, quiet and a little chilly, but grateful for the day.

Dear Jesus, thank You for loving us so much that You stayed on the Cross even when You felt all alone. Help me remember that even when I feel forgotten, You are with me. Let me serve You with all my heart. Amen.

Love,
Kathy